Walking on Concrete, Feeling Content

I feel so content.

I should feel terrified. When I think about my future and where I will be 3 months from now, 6 months from now, a year from now... I realize this is the first time in my life that I have no idea what my life will be like. Why do I feel so content?

I've always had a plan that makes sense. I've always been safe with a thick rubber foundation under my feet so if I ever fell, I'd just bounce back up and keep going. I've lived my life without ever worrying about money, shelter, food, clothing, transportation...everything has always been taken care of for me. What an easy, sheltered life I've lived.

My question is... Have I truly lived?

Yes, my life has been worthwhile and everything I've experienced has made me who I am today. Thank goodness I've made many, many mistakes. The regrets I once had have turned to acceptance and even thankfulness - because without my stupidity I would have never learned to depend on God.

And now, I finally have been given a chance to really depend on Him...not because of my stupidity but because I actually listened to His call. I'm leaving all my cushy things and trading them in for... something better? Something worse? Who knows? But, I do know that whatever it is, it will be life changing.

My rubber foundation is being transformed to a concrete foundation. Even though concrete hurts like a **** when you fall on it - it is stronger and helps me walk straight, fast, and balanced.

Being content does not equal living on easy street, lounging around on bean bag chairs, looking forward to creating a new flavor at Coldstone. Being content is following God's lead, learning to trust Him - and being so excited to see what He has around the next bend.

time to say yes...

Everyday I do this life thing...eating, sleeping, working...but nothing means anything anymore unless You are a part of it. I can't focus. I go to work and try to do the motions, but I find myself getting lost in my thoughts of You.

You amaze me. Sometimes You make me want to laugh and jump up and down. Sometimes You make me cry because of how overwhelming You are. I don't understand You. I don't know what You are doing or thinking or saying most of the time. I can't see the big picture and how this will all turn out. But, I know that what You do will be good. I trust that You have it under control.

But, if You have it under control, why does it feel like this world is out of control?

God, we say "Your will be done." But, do we really mean it? How can Your will be done? Logically, You speak to us and we do Your will.

But, what if we don't do it? What if we don't listen? Will You speak to someone else? Or, will Your will just not be done? How many times a day...an hour...a minute...a second are you disappointed by someone? How many people do You have to ask before Your will is done? If we all said yes all the time to Your calls, what would this world be like?

It would be good.

So, who's at fault? Is it me?

I can't say no anymore. It's time to say yes. It's time to put my trust in You and know that You are good. And, when I put my faith in You, I'm giving You the control...and You are exactly the One who should be in control.