I know you know me, but we haven't talked in so long, I feel like I need to introduce myself again. I'm Martha. I'm a servant. When people need help I'm always there for them. Hungry? I'll make you dinner. Tired? Take my pillow. Stressed? Here's some herbal tea, scented candles, and a bubble bath. Need someone to talk to? Well - certainly. Let me just put some dirty clothes in the washer and I'll make us a snack. Oh, and I almost forgot that I have to check facebook to see if anyone has...
What? You want to talk now? Well, I still have my work clothes on and there's so much to do. I have a meeting tonight and I need to get to bed early because tomorrow I have to...
Excuse me? You're coming to my house? Now? I mean, wow, that's great. But, before you come over I need to make sure the dishes are washed and the dog hair is vacuumed up...
You're already here? I just don't have time to...to...
I'm doing it again aren't I? Why do I always find myself at this place. I want a relationship with You, but I just don't stop. I give and give and give - but I find with all this giving, I give away so much that I give away my identity. When I do that, I find myself empty and I've lost the most important thing. Yes, being a servant is good - in fact, it's absolutely wonderful. However, when I find myself basing my identity, my value, my success on how much I can give, I miss the point.
Oh, look, here comes Mary. She's the kind of sister you'd love to hate...but you just can't help but love. She lives her life in the moment, not worrying about this and that. She just embraces each moment as it comes. I know she's going to go right past the unwashed dishes, the unprepared food, the dog hair on the floor, and go straight to You and kneel at Your feet. No distractions, no worries, no thoughts in the back of her mind about what needs to be done. She simply delights in her Lord. Her Creator. Her Savior. Her Jesus...
Oh God! I want that! I need that. All my works - I intend to do good, but they mean nothing if I can't take time to thank You, Jesus, for what You've done for me. I give to everyone around me, but I forget to give to You - to give You the praise You deserve.
Bring me back to my knees so I can fall in love again with the One my heart longs for...the One that gives meaning to my life.
January 26, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Search for a Lost Identity
“It’s time.”
I hear this whispered to me when I’m eating breakfast.
“It’s time.”
I feel the prompting as I lay down at night to sleep.
“It’s time.”
I feel my spirit pulling me somewhere that my soul is fighting.
“It’s time.”
Time for what, God?
“It’s time...”
In college, I finally found a friend that showed me how exciting following Jesus is. Everyday was a day to discover more about Him and figure out what He wanted us to learn about ourselves.
One day, she asked me a question that, since, I have asked myself over and over again.
“Where do you place your identity?”
“My identity?” I thought. “Do I even have an identity?”
The incredibly deep answer I gave her was a perfect illustration of what I was thinking – a shrug with a blank look on my face.
For several years I’ve struggled with that question. Lately, I’ve been getting more and more of a clear image in my mind of what my identity is. And what I’ve realized is that the identity I’ve found is broken.
My identity is a combination of two things: how others view me and how I view myself. Many times those two views get twisted together in a dysfunctional knot.
If someone doesn’t like something about me, I start to dislike it as well.
If I don’t like something about myself, I hide it so others can’t see it.
The result is a shallow person without a true identity because I’m always changing myself to fit some mold of some person that isn’t me.
This identity issue was at its height in high school and the better part of college, but slowly throughout the years, as I’ve pondered and grown, I’ve started to find the true me in my broken identity.
What I’ve realized is the true me is someone I hardly know. The true me, the real me, is the person God created before I messed everything up. When God made me He had a plan and knew my potential. He still sees my potential and is patiently waiting for me to trust Him enough to show it to me.
So, now, I’m trying to throw away the broken, distorted, shallow identity I created and beginning to uncover the identity God originally created.
At this crossroads, I hear God say, “It’s time.”
Time for what?
“It’s time to start living.”
What do you mean? How do I start living?
“When you find your identity, you will start living.”
Find my identity? What is my identity?!
“I am.
“I am your creator. Find me and you will find what you’ve been searching for. Know me and you will know the one your heart has longed for. Follow me and I will lead you to the place you were made for…
“It’s time. So, trust me and start living.”
I hear this whispered to me when I’m eating breakfast.
“It’s time.”
I feel the prompting as I lay down at night to sleep.
“It’s time.”
I feel my spirit pulling me somewhere that my soul is fighting.
“It’s time.”
Time for what, God?
“It’s time...”
In college, I finally found a friend that showed me how exciting following Jesus is. Everyday was a day to discover more about Him and figure out what He wanted us to learn about ourselves.
One day, she asked me a question that, since, I have asked myself over and over again.
“Where do you place your identity?”
“My identity?” I thought. “Do I even have an identity?”
The incredibly deep answer I gave her was a perfect illustration of what I was thinking – a shrug with a blank look on my face.
For several years I’ve struggled with that question. Lately, I’ve been getting more and more of a clear image in my mind of what my identity is. And what I’ve realized is that the identity I’ve found is broken.
My identity is a combination of two things: how others view me and how I view myself. Many times those two views get twisted together in a dysfunctional knot.
If someone doesn’t like something about me, I start to dislike it as well.
If I don’t like something about myself, I hide it so others can’t see it.
The result is a shallow person without a true identity because I’m always changing myself to fit some mold of some person that isn’t me.
This identity issue was at its height in high school and the better part of college, but slowly throughout the years, as I’ve pondered and grown, I’ve started to find the true me in my broken identity.
What I’ve realized is the true me is someone I hardly know. The true me, the real me, is the person God created before I messed everything up. When God made me He had a plan and knew my potential. He still sees my potential and is patiently waiting for me to trust Him enough to show it to me.
So, now, I’m trying to throw away the broken, distorted, shallow identity I created and beginning to uncover the identity God originally created.
At this crossroads, I hear God say, “It’s time.”
Time for what?
“It’s time to start living.”
What do you mean? How do I start living?
“When you find your identity, you will start living.”
Find my identity? What is my identity?!
“I am.
“I am your creator. Find me and you will find what you’ve been searching for. Know me and you will know the one your heart has longed for. Follow me and I will lead you to the place you were made for…
“It’s time. So, trust me and start living.”
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