I wrote a song in August and since I'm so critical of myself, I didn't give it much thought. I just wrote it down with the guitar cords and then put it away and forgot it. But, what's so crazy is that song keeps coming back to me when I'm having a rough day...or week...and it reminds me of who I need when I'm lost and tired. I just sing it in my head and I feel totally refreshed. It reminds me of the verse where Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. " (Matthew 11:28) For some reason just reminding myself of God's love for me and His power gives me new hope every time I need it. So, I don't know why, but I decided to post the words to the song today.
I'm so lost
I'm so tired
I can't find my way
Without You
Come to me
My Saving Grace
Give me hope
Help me find my way
You're the only hope I have
Without You I can't see
You're the only hope I have
Without You I can't breathe
You're the only good I see
In this world that tangles me
You're the only hope I have
Come to me, set me free
You're the Giver, You're the Healer
You're the Creator, You're my Savior
You're my Jesus
You love me, You died for me
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
One Day at a Time
If you ever get a chance, I encourage you to leave all the comforts you've acquired that you think you can't live without and live in God's hands for a while. Some people don't have to choose to do this - some people lose their comforts due to a natural disaster, financial disaster, or something like that. Choosing to leave everything rather than having it all stripped away is certainly much easier to deal with. But, no matter the case, living outside of our comfort zones can be surprisingly liberating.
I just read a book by Donald Miller called "Through Painted Deserts." It's funny that I read this now because a quote from the forward of this book is, "I want to repeat one word for you: Leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
So, I didn't need this book to encourage me to leave, since I've already left. But, it certainly is encouraging on the days that I ask Mark, “What have we done?”
Anyway, it wasn't until I had finished the book that the title finally made sense to me - in the figurative sense. I, of course, have lived in the desert my whole life - literally. I have at times despised it - hating the dry heat, hating the lack of seasons, hating the brown, rocky, dusty landscape. But, there have also been times when I seem to look at the desert through different glasses and I suddenly notice its beauty. The rocky landscape becomes art. I notice the huge red and yellow flowers attached to the saguaros and prickly pear. I find the unusual plants to be exotic. I see a sunset or watch a thunderstorm from my window and understand that nowhere else would it be this magical. Not only do I notice the beauty, but I find that the desert has helped me appreciate things like water - rain, snow, rivers, oceans, swimming pools, irrigated lawns, puddles - more than I would if I lived somewhere else.
So, my point is, sometimes we find ourselves in a desert (figuratively) where life feels hot and dry. We are thirsty, sunburned, and long for something more. At these points in life, when we've left behind our comforts, there are 2 things that can happen if we put on the right pair of glasses and see the beauty within the rocky landscape: We realize we don't need many of those material things to be happy and we begin to appreciate what we do have much more.
When we moved into our house in Ereğli, it was empty and we had nothing but clothes and toys to fill it. We are on a tight budget, so it could be really easy to worry about money – which we do have our moments of worry. But, we’ve put our faith in God, allowed Him to hold us in His hands, and He has come through. Before we came here, I knew God would provide – but I also knew it would be a day at a time. There was a sermon at church about 3 weeks before we left that clarified this for me.
There is a story in the Bible about Elijah. Well, there are lots of stories about Elijah because he was a pretty cool guy. But, in this one he went to a woman in the middle of a drought – a woman who thought she was making her last meal for her and her son – and told her to put her trust in God and give away her last meal. She did and God came through for her – He miraculously provided her each day with the food she needed. God didn’t say, here’s enough food to last you the drought. He basically said, I’ll give you what you need one day at a time. This story hit me hard and gave me so much comfort because I knew God would do the same for us. We weren’t boarding the plane with all the money we would need for the year – but we’re trusting God will provide. And, guess what? He has.
Can you believe we bought all the appliances we need (washer, fridge, and oven) for under $200? I thought it was the appliances that would do us in…but God came through. After we’d been here a week, we had our appliances, mattresses, sheets, towels, plastic dishes, and cooking essentials. I told Mark the only thing I needed was a chair because sitting on the floor wasn’t doing it for me. So, we went to the store and bought 2 comfortable chairs for about $80 each (yes, we splurged). After Mark put them together and I sat in one for the first time, I knew I was living in luxury. I had everything I needed. When I think about all the junk I used to think I needed to be happy – now all I need to feel luxurious is a chair – I realize Donald Miller was right: I will come home a changed person.
God has provided more since then – including a free couch and good deals on things like a wardrobe and a dresser. Two days ago we were stressed about the fact that our bills are due, our rent is due, our residency permits are due (which are $1500), and Mark hasn’t gotten his work permit yet, which means no paychecks. Well, that evening a neighbor downstairs called and said he had 2 chairs he wanted to give us. I was expecting nasty, thrashed, thrift store looking chairs, but they are super clean, relatively new, and comfortable. It was obviously God telling us He still had our backs. The next day Mark found out his work permit will be here Friday. Amazing.
It won’t solve all our problems for next week, but it reminds me we’re living a day at a time. We have everything we need – and thank goodness my definition of “everything we need” has been significantly altered since moving here.
I just read a book by Donald Miller called "Through Painted Deserts." It's funny that I read this now because a quote from the forward of this book is, "I want to repeat one word for you: Leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."
So, I didn't need this book to encourage me to leave, since I've already left. But, it certainly is encouraging on the days that I ask Mark, “What have we done?”
Anyway, it wasn't until I had finished the book that the title finally made sense to me - in the figurative sense. I, of course, have lived in the desert my whole life - literally. I have at times despised it - hating the dry heat, hating the lack of seasons, hating the brown, rocky, dusty landscape. But, there have also been times when I seem to look at the desert through different glasses and I suddenly notice its beauty. The rocky landscape becomes art. I notice the huge red and yellow flowers attached to the saguaros and prickly pear. I find the unusual plants to be exotic. I see a sunset or watch a thunderstorm from my window and understand that nowhere else would it be this magical. Not only do I notice the beauty, but I find that the desert has helped me appreciate things like water - rain, snow, rivers, oceans, swimming pools, irrigated lawns, puddles - more than I would if I lived somewhere else.
So, my point is, sometimes we find ourselves in a desert (figuratively) where life feels hot and dry. We are thirsty, sunburned, and long for something more. At these points in life, when we've left behind our comforts, there are 2 things that can happen if we put on the right pair of glasses and see the beauty within the rocky landscape: We realize we don't need many of those material things to be happy and we begin to appreciate what we do have much more.
When we moved into our house in Ereğli, it was empty and we had nothing but clothes and toys to fill it. We are on a tight budget, so it could be really easy to worry about money – which we do have our moments of worry. But, we’ve put our faith in God, allowed Him to hold us in His hands, and He has come through. Before we came here, I knew God would provide – but I also knew it would be a day at a time. There was a sermon at church about 3 weeks before we left that clarified this for me.
There is a story in the Bible about Elijah. Well, there are lots of stories about Elijah because he was a pretty cool guy. But, in this one he went to a woman in the middle of a drought – a woman who thought she was making her last meal for her and her son – and told her to put her trust in God and give away her last meal. She did and God came through for her – He miraculously provided her each day with the food she needed. God didn’t say, here’s enough food to last you the drought. He basically said, I’ll give you what you need one day at a time. This story hit me hard and gave me so much comfort because I knew God would do the same for us. We weren’t boarding the plane with all the money we would need for the year – but we’re trusting God will provide. And, guess what? He has.
Can you believe we bought all the appliances we need (washer, fridge, and oven) for under $200? I thought it was the appliances that would do us in…but God came through. After we’d been here a week, we had our appliances, mattresses, sheets, towels, plastic dishes, and cooking essentials. I told Mark the only thing I needed was a chair because sitting on the floor wasn’t doing it for me. So, we went to the store and bought 2 comfortable chairs for about $80 each (yes, we splurged). After Mark put them together and I sat in one for the first time, I knew I was living in luxury. I had everything I needed. When I think about all the junk I used to think I needed to be happy – now all I need to feel luxurious is a chair – I realize Donald Miller was right: I will come home a changed person.
God has provided more since then – including a free couch and good deals on things like a wardrobe and a dresser. Two days ago we were stressed about the fact that our bills are due, our rent is due, our residency permits are due (which are $1500), and Mark hasn’t gotten his work permit yet, which means no paychecks. Well, that evening a neighbor downstairs called and said he had 2 chairs he wanted to give us. I was expecting nasty, thrashed, thrift store looking chairs, but they are super clean, relatively new, and comfortable. It was obviously God telling us He still had our backs. The next day Mark found out his work permit will be here Friday. Amazing.
It won’t solve all our problems for next week, but it reminds me we’re living a day at a time. We have everything we need – and thank goodness my definition of “everything we need” has been significantly altered since moving here.
Monday, August 17, 2009
A Gentle Whisper
“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper…” (1 Kings 19:11-12)
The Lord did not come to me today with a loud shout across the house saying, “What are you doing?” He did not come pounding on my door demanding that I let Him in. When I finally sat down in a moment of quiet without all the distractions I purposefully reel in, I realized He was already there waiting for me. He was so close, I could feel His breath on my cheek as He whispered gently in my ear. Shivers ran down my spine, not because of fear, but from the love and peace that poured over me with His tender whispers. A hint of a smile played at my lips and then soon spilled into my whole being as I realized how much I truly miss Him when I am away.
What have I been doing? I’ve been here the whole time, but distracted. I’ve allowed everything around me to pull me away until I find myself not being pulled, but chasing after things that are meaningless. The more distracted I am by meaninglessness, the more I forget the One I truly need and long for.
And then, it all comes back to me, when I finally allow myself to hear His gentle whisper.
The Lord did not come to me today with a loud shout across the house saying, “What are you doing?” He did not come pounding on my door demanding that I let Him in. When I finally sat down in a moment of quiet without all the distractions I purposefully reel in, I realized He was already there waiting for me. He was so close, I could feel His breath on my cheek as He whispered gently in my ear. Shivers ran down my spine, not because of fear, but from the love and peace that poured over me with His tender whispers. A hint of a smile played at my lips and then soon spilled into my whole being as I realized how much I truly miss Him when I am away.
What have I been doing? I’ve been here the whole time, but distracted. I’ve allowed everything around me to pull me away until I find myself not being pulled, but chasing after things that are meaningless. The more distracted I am by meaninglessness, the more I forget the One I truly need and long for.
And then, it all comes back to me, when I finally allow myself to hear His gentle whisper.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
One month...Where did it go?
It's hard to believe we've been away from home for over a month. We're still living in Istanbul. Before my mom left she made a comment that it's amazing that you can travel around the world and find a place that can feel like home. She was right. Even though Istanbul is so foreign to us in many ways, we still feel comfortable and content.
What do I love about Istanbul? We live near water for the first time in my life. We don't need a car because public transportation is so convenient. Ferries across the Bosphorus are a major source of transportation and they are cheap, relaxing, and a great way to enjoy the scenery on the way to your destination. Mark's quote: "The best thing about Istanbul...public transportation. The scariest thing about Istanbul...public transportation." The roads in general are scary. It is okay to turn one lane into 2 or 3 if necessary. Plus, we've gotten very lost on buses a couple times. But, I got sidetracked...more about what I love...
Every neighborhood has a unique flavor. Some areas like ours feel very traditional while others feel modern and "European". My first blog from Turkey talked about the conservative dress. However, as we've journeyed to other neighborhoods, I have seen many women showing their knees and shoulders - how scandalous! :)
It's amazing that we feel somewhat at home and able to get around a city of 17 million people.
What do we miss? Of course our family and friends. Along with that we miss salsa, sharp chedder cheese, frosted mini wheats, icey cold drinks, and air conditioning. Also, milk - in the pasteurized form we're used to - is hard to find. In Istanbul some stores have "normal" milk for foreigners, but when we move to Eregli we will have to embrace a life with milk that doesn't have to be refrigerated and tastes a little sour. Just today I started to miss stores like Fry's or Safeway. I remember being able to go to one grocery store and find everything you need. Nowadays I know where I can get milk, but they have no peanut butter. Or, there might be peanut butter but no bread. Shopping entails visiting several different small markets and many times it can take days to find something a little more rare like basil.
I mentioned Eregli in the last paragraph - we just went there a couple weeks ago as a family and I finally saw the small city that will be our home for 10 months. Mark signed his contract for his teaching job and we did some shopping and exploring. The apartment we will be living in is right in the heart of town just a few blocks from the Black Sea. Eregli is a beautiful city that could be compared to many costal towns in Greece, I'm sure. The landscape reminds me some of the coast of Central California with striking blue water, rolling green mountains, and small cliffs dropping into the water. The difference: there are no waves. The water seems more like a gigantic lake because it is perfectly still. It may change as the seasons change...we'll see. The city of Eregli reminds me of what I consider the most beautiful city in the world - Guanajuato, Mexico. I still consider Guanajuato more beautiful, but Eregli has some of its flavor with colorful buildings built on the sides of steep hills, narrow streets, and well-manicured parks.
I have so much more to write, but will stop for today. In my next blog, I will need to talk about the Turkish culture, which I find fascinating. It reminds me a little of Japanese culture and Mexican culture combined. I'll expand on that later.
What do I love about Istanbul? We live near water for the first time in my life. We don't need a car because public transportation is so convenient. Ferries across the Bosphorus are a major source of transportation and they are cheap, relaxing, and a great way to enjoy the scenery on the way to your destination. Mark's quote: "The best thing about Istanbul...public transportation. The scariest thing about Istanbul...public transportation." The roads in general are scary. It is okay to turn one lane into 2 or 3 if necessary. Plus, we've gotten very lost on buses a couple times. But, I got sidetracked...more about what I love...
Every neighborhood has a unique flavor. Some areas like ours feel very traditional while others feel modern and "European". My first blog from Turkey talked about the conservative dress. However, as we've journeyed to other neighborhoods, I have seen many women showing their knees and shoulders - how scandalous! :)
It's amazing that we feel somewhat at home and able to get around a city of 17 million people.
What do we miss? Of course our family and friends. Along with that we miss salsa, sharp chedder cheese, frosted mini wheats, icey cold drinks, and air conditioning. Also, milk - in the pasteurized form we're used to - is hard to find. In Istanbul some stores have "normal" milk for foreigners, but when we move to Eregli we will have to embrace a life with milk that doesn't have to be refrigerated and tastes a little sour. Just today I started to miss stores like Fry's or Safeway. I remember being able to go to one grocery store and find everything you need. Nowadays I know where I can get milk, but they have no peanut butter. Or, there might be peanut butter but no bread. Shopping entails visiting several different small markets and many times it can take days to find something a little more rare like basil.
I mentioned Eregli in the last paragraph - we just went there a couple weeks ago as a family and I finally saw the small city that will be our home for 10 months. Mark signed his contract for his teaching job and we did some shopping and exploring. The apartment we will be living in is right in the heart of town just a few blocks from the Black Sea. Eregli is a beautiful city that could be compared to many costal towns in Greece, I'm sure. The landscape reminds me some of the coast of Central California with striking blue water, rolling green mountains, and small cliffs dropping into the water. The difference: there are no waves. The water seems more like a gigantic lake because it is perfectly still. It may change as the seasons change...we'll see. The city of Eregli reminds me of what I consider the most beautiful city in the world - Guanajuato, Mexico. I still consider Guanajuato more beautiful, but Eregli has some of its flavor with colorful buildings built on the sides of steep hills, narrow streets, and well-manicured parks.
I have so much more to write, but will stop for today. In my next blog, I will need to talk about the Turkish culture, which I find fascinating. It reminds me a little of Japanese culture and Mexican culture combined. I'll expand on that later.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Traveling to Turkey and our first impressions
The Journey:
The flight from Chicago to Istanbul was very pleasant. The boys slept for about 7 hours of it. We each had our own T.V. and we were able to choose movies to watch. Also, my mom discovered that on Turkish Airlines they serve free alcohol. So, she drank a lot of wine with a nice man that she was sitting by. He was Turkish and lived in Istanbul most of his life, but he's been in Miami for several years and he has a Cuban girlfriend. So, Mom enjoyed talking to him. He told her that Turkey has the best olive oil in the world, so she wants to bring home a barrel of it (actually, 3 small bottles).
When we got to Istanbul we were able to get our visas very easily. They didn't ask any questions - we just paid our 20 dollars each and they were happy to let us in. Our first impressions of the Turkish people have been very positive. Everyone at the airport was very patient with the ignorant American tourists and a man even gave us some money so we could get a cart for our luggage. It turns out we probably could have used quarters to get the cart, but we didn't know that until later. It took us a couple hours to get out of the airport because one of our bags was missing, so it took a while to get that sorted out. They'll deliver it when they find it. The good thing is it was the bag with our winter clothes, so we don't need it now.
First Impressions of Istanbul:
The weather has been perfect. It's a little muggy, but not as bad as Florida or Kansas. The air smells like salt because we're right on the Marmara Sea - which was such a pleasant scent to wake up to this morning.
Istanbul is huge - much bigger than I imagined. It is split by the Bosphorus Strait, which connects the Marmara Sea to the Black Sea. Because of the strait, driving by car takes longer to get across the city than by public transportation because there are only 2 bridges and the traffic on the bridges is slow. The strait also divides the city into Europe and Asia and we are in a neighborhood that is on the Asian side of the river. It is very nice with a wooded area nearby that I want to explore. I imagine it has great paths for walking - and if I'm brave enough I may even try running. There is a grocery store, bakery, park, and many other amenities walking distance from our apartment. We also discovered that there are many restaurants that deliver food and you can order it on-line. Plus, you can call to have water delivered (for drinking) and someone comes and picks up our trash everyday (a courtesy of the apartment building).
Mark, Mom, and I were very tired last night, but the boys did not sleep much. Ian slept from about 11:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., but then Jeremy crawled in our bed and woke us up and we never went back to sleep. The boys were wide awake and I did my best to be patient because I knew how crazy it is to switch time zones like we did. But, by 4:00 a.m. I was a wreck and needed sleep. I finally got Ian to be quiet and lay still and then the call to prayer and chanting over loud speakers came on at about 4:30. They have the call to prayer 4 times a day and the first one is at first daylight.
The boys are now napping and have been for several hours. We've tried waking them up, but they refuse. I managed to feed Ian some cookies and while I was getting him milk, he laid down in the hall and went back to sleep. He's still there. So, we'll probably have another difficult night tonight. But, hopefully we'll get adjusted soon.
Today we went shopping at a mall to buy groceries, get a cell phone, and get some fans. It was very beautiful inside and looked like a typical mall anywhere in the U.S. I've been watching people's mannerisms, clothes, etc. so I learn what is appropriate and what is not. I had heard not to cross your legs in front of people because it is disrespectful, but I saw many people sitting with their legs crossed. There are many women who are covered, but there are also many women who are not covered and wear short sleeves. I only saw one woman with exposed legs wearing a skirt above the knees (she may have been a tourist). Everyone else wore either pants or long skirts. And, I definately saw no cleavage, which is a plus. :)
That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed the first blog from Turkey.
The flight from Chicago to Istanbul was very pleasant. The boys slept for about 7 hours of it. We each had our own T.V. and we were able to choose movies to watch. Also, my mom discovered that on Turkish Airlines they serve free alcohol. So, she drank a lot of wine with a nice man that she was sitting by. He was Turkish and lived in Istanbul most of his life, but he's been in Miami for several years and he has a Cuban girlfriend. So, Mom enjoyed talking to him. He told her that Turkey has the best olive oil in the world, so she wants to bring home a barrel of it (actually, 3 small bottles).
When we got to Istanbul we were able to get our visas very easily. They didn't ask any questions - we just paid our 20 dollars each and they were happy to let us in. Our first impressions of the Turkish people have been very positive. Everyone at the airport was very patient with the ignorant American tourists and a man even gave us some money so we could get a cart for our luggage. It turns out we probably could have used quarters to get the cart, but we didn't know that until later. It took us a couple hours to get out of the airport because one of our bags was missing, so it took a while to get that sorted out. They'll deliver it when they find it. The good thing is it was the bag with our winter clothes, so we don't need it now.
First Impressions of Istanbul:
The weather has been perfect. It's a little muggy, but not as bad as Florida or Kansas. The air smells like salt because we're right on the Marmara Sea - which was such a pleasant scent to wake up to this morning.
Istanbul is huge - much bigger than I imagined. It is split by the Bosphorus Strait, which connects the Marmara Sea to the Black Sea. Because of the strait, driving by car takes longer to get across the city than by public transportation because there are only 2 bridges and the traffic on the bridges is slow. The strait also divides the city into Europe and Asia and we are in a neighborhood that is on the Asian side of the river. It is very nice with a wooded area nearby that I want to explore. I imagine it has great paths for walking - and if I'm brave enough I may even try running. There is a grocery store, bakery, park, and many other amenities walking distance from our apartment. We also discovered that there are many restaurants that deliver food and you can order it on-line. Plus, you can call to have water delivered (for drinking) and someone comes and picks up our trash everyday (a courtesy of the apartment building).
Mark, Mom, and I were very tired last night, but the boys did not sleep much. Ian slept from about 11:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., but then Jeremy crawled in our bed and woke us up and we never went back to sleep. The boys were wide awake and I did my best to be patient because I knew how crazy it is to switch time zones like we did. But, by 4:00 a.m. I was a wreck and needed sleep. I finally got Ian to be quiet and lay still and then the call to prayer and chanting over loud speakers came on at about 4:30. They have the call to prayer 4 times a day and the first one is at first daylight.
The boys are now napping and have been for several hours. We've tried waking them up, but they refuse. I managed to feed Ian some cookies and while I was getting him milk, he laid down in the hall and went back to sleep. He's still there. So, we'll probably have another difficult night tonight. But, hopefully we'll get adjusted soon.
Today we went shopping at a mall to buy groceries, get a cell phone, and get some fans. It was very beautiful inside and looked like a typical mall anywhere in the U.S. I've been watching people's mannerisms, clothes, etc. so I learn what is appropriate and what is not. I had heard not to cross your legs in front of people because it is disrespectful, but I saw many people sitting with their legs crossed. There are many women who are covered, but there are also many women who are not covered and wear short sleeves. I only saw one woman with exposed legs wearing a skirt above the knees (she may have been a tourist). Everyone else wore either pants or long skirts. And, I definately saw no cleavage, which is a plus. :)
That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed the first blog from Turkey.
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