The Search for a Lost Identity

“It’s time.”

I hear this whispered to me when I’m eating breakfast.

“It’s time.”

I feel the prompting as I lay down at night to sleep.

“It’s time.”

I feel my spirit pulling me somewhere that my soul is fighting.

“It’s time.”

Time for what, God?

“It’s time...”

In college, I finally found a friend that showed me how exciting following Jesus is. Everyday was a day to discover more about Him and figure out what He wanted us to learn about ourselves.

One day, she asked me a question that, since, I have asked myself over and over again.

“Where do you place your identity?”

“My identity?” I thought. “Do I even have an identity?”

The incredibly deep answer I gave her was a perfect illustration of what I was thinking – a shrug with a blank look on my face.

For several years I’ve struggled with that question. Lately, I’ve been getting more and more of a clear image in my mind of what my identity is. And what I’ve realized is that the identity I’ve found is broken.

My identity is a combination of two things: how others view me and how I view myself. Many times those two views get twisted together in a dysfunctional knot.

If someone doesn’t like something about me, I start to dislike it as well.

If I don’t like something about myself, I hide it so others can’t see it.

The result is a shallow person without a true identity because I’m always changing myself to fit some mold of some person that isn’t me.

This identity issue was at its height in high school and the better part of college, but slowly throughout the years, as I’ve pondered and grown, I’ve started to find the true me in my broken identity.

What I’ve realized is the true me is someone I hardly know. The true me, the real me, is the person God created before I messed everything up. When God made me He had a plan and knew my potential. He still sees my potential and is patiently waiting for me to trust Him enough to show it to me.

So, now, I’m trying to throw away the broken, distorted, shallow identity I created and beginning to uncover the identity God originally created.

At this crossroads, I hear God say, “It’s time.”

Time for what?

“It’s time to start living.”

What do you mean? How do I start living?

“When you find your identity, you will start living.”

Find my identity? What is my identity?!

“I am.

“I am your creator. Find me and you will find what you’ve been searching for. Know me and you will know the one your heart has longed for. Follow me and I will lead you to the place you were made for…

“It’s time. So, trust me and start living.”