Kristin in Real Life

My Only Hope

2009-11-16T04:07:00.000-08:00

I wrote a song in August and since I'm so critical of myself, I didn't give it much thought. I just wrote it down with the guitar cords and then put it away and forgot it. But, what's so crazy is that song keeps coming back to me when I'm having a rough day...or week...and it reminds me of who I need when I'm lost and tired. I just sing it in my head and I feel totally refreshed. It reminds me of the verse where Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. " (Matthew 11:28) For some reason just reminding myself of God's love for me and His power gives me new hope every time I need it. So, I don't know why, but I decided to post the words to the song today.

I'm so lost
I'm so tired
I can't find my way
Without You

Come to me
My Saving Grace
Give me hope
Help me find my way

You're the only hope I have
Without You I can't see
You're the only hope I have
Without You I can't breathe
You're the only good I see
In this world that tangles me
You're the only hope I have
Come to me, set me free

You're the Giver, You're the Healer
You're the Creator, You're my Savior
You're my Jesus
You love me, You died for me

One Day at a Time

2009-09-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

If you ever get a chance, I encourage you to leave all the comforts you've acquired that you think you can't live without and live in God's hands for a while. Some people don't have to choose to do this - some people lose their comforts due to a natural disaster, financial disaster, or something like that. Choosing to leave everything rather than having it all stripped away is certainly much easier to deal with. But, no matter the case, living outside of our comfort zones can be surprisingly liberating.

I just read a book by Donald Miller called "Through Painted Deserts." It's funny that I read this now because a quote from the forward of this book is, "I want to repeat one word for you: Leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed."

So, I didn't need this book to encourage me to leave, since I've already left. But, it certainly is encouraging on the days that I ask Mark, “What have we done?”

Anyway, it wasn't until I had finished the book that the title finally made sense to me - in the figurative sense. I, of course, have lived in the desert my whole life - literally. I have at times despised it - hating the dry heat, hating the lack of seasons, hating the brown, rocky, dusty landscape. But, there have also been times when I seem to look at the desert through different glasses and I suddenly notice its beauty. The rocky landscape becomes art. I notice the huge red and yellow flowers attached to the saguaros and prickly pear. I find the unusual plants to be exotic. I see a sunset or watch a thunderstorm from my window and understand that nowhere else would it be this magical. Not only do I notice the beauty, but I find that the desert has helped me appreciate things like water - rain, snow, rivers, oceans, swimming pools, irrigated lawns, puddles - more than I would if I lived somewhere else.

So, my point is, sometimes we find ourselves in a desert (figuratively) where life feels hot and dry. We are thirsty, sunburned, and long for something more. At these points in life, when we've left behind our comforts, there are 2 things that can happen if we put on the right pair of glasses and see the beauty within the rocky landscape: We realize we don't need many of those material things to be happy and we begin to appreciate what we do have much more.

When we moved into our house in Ereğli, it was empty and we had nothing but clothes and toys to fill it. We are on a tight budget, so it could be really easy to worry about money – which we do have our moments of worry. But, we’ve put our faith in God, allowed Him to hold us in His hands, and He has come through. Before we came here, I knew God would provide – but I also knew it would be a day at a time. There was a sermon at church about 3 weeks before we left that clarified this for me.

There is a story in the Bible about Elijah. Well, there are lots of stories about Elijah because he was a pretty cool guy. But, in this one he went to a woman in the middle of a drought – a woman who thought she was making her last meal for her and her son – and told her to put her trust in God and give away her last meal. She did and God came through for her – He miraculously provided her each day with the food she needed. God didn’t say, here’s enough food to last you the drought. He basically said, I’ll give you what you need one day at a time. This story hit me hard and gave me so much comfort because I knew God would do the same for us. We weren’t boarding the plane with all the money we would need for the year – but we’re trusting God will provide. And, guess what? He has.

Can you believe we bought all the appliances we need (washer, fridge, and oven) for under $200? I thought it was the appliances that would do us in…but God came through. After we’d been here a week, we had our appliances, mattresses, sheets, towels, plastic dishes, and cooking essentials. I told Mark the only thing I needed was a chair because sitting on the floor wasn’t doing it for me. So, we went to the store and bought 2 comfortable chairs for about $80 each (yes, we splurged). After Mark put them together and I sat in one for the first time, I knew I was living in luxury. I had everything I needed. When I think about all the junk I used to think I needed to be happy – now all I need to feel luxurious is a chair – I realize Donald Miller was right: I will come home a changed person.

God has provided more since then – including a free couch and good deals on things like a wardrobe and a dresser. Two days ago we were stressed about the fact that our bills are due, our rent is due, our residency permits are due (which are $1500), and Mark hasn’t gotten his work permit yet, which means no paychecks. Well, that evening a neighbor downstairs called and said he had 2 chairs he wanted to give us. I was expecting nasty, thrashed, thrift store looking chairs, but they are super clean, relatively new, and comfortable. It was obviously God telling us He still had our backs. The next day Mark found out his work permit will be here Friday. Amazing.

It won’t solve all our problems for next week, but it reminds me we’re living a day at a time. We have everything we need – and thank goodness my definition of “everything we need” has been significantly altered since moving here.

A Gentle Whisper

2009-08-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper…” (1 Kings 19:11-12)

The Lord did not come to me today with a loud shout across the house saying, “What are you doing?” He did not come pounding on my door demanding that I let Him in. When I finally sat down in a moment of quiet without all the distractions I purposefully reel in, I realized He was already there waiting for me. He was so close, I could feel His breath on my cheek as He whispered gently in my ear. Shivers ran down my spine, not because of fear, but from the love and peace that poured over me with His tender whispers. A hint of a smile played at my lips and then soon spilled into my whole being as I realized how much I truly miss Him when I am away.

What have I been doing? I’ve been here the whole time, but distracted. I’ve allowed everything around me to pull me away until I find myself not being pulled, but chasing after things that are meaningless. The more distracted I am by meaninglessness, the more I forget the One I truly need and long for.

And then, it all comes back to me, when I finally allow myself to hear His gentle whisper.

One month...Where did it go?

2009-08-09T07:32:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe we've been away from home for over a month. We're still living in Istanbul. Before my mom left she made a comment that it's amazing that you can travel around the world and find a place that can feel like home. She was right. Even though Istanbul is so foreign to us in many ways, we still feel comfortable and content.

What do I love about Istanbul? We live near water for the first time in my life. We don't need a car because public transportation is so convenient. Ferries across the Bosphorus are a major source of transportation and they are cheap, relaxing, and a great way to enjoy the scenery on the way to your destination. Mark's quote: "The best thing about Istanbul...public transportation. The scariest thing about Istanbul...public transportation." The roads in general are scary. It is okay to turn one lane into 2 or 3 if necessary. Plus, we've gotten very lost on buses a couple times. But, I got sidetracked...more about what I love...

Every neighborhood has a unique flavor. Some areas like ours feel very traditional while others feel modern and "European". My first blog from Turkey talked about the conservative dress. However, as we've journeyed to other neighborhoods, I have seen many women showing their knees and shoulders - how scandalous! :)

It's amazing that we feel somewhat at home and able to get around a city of 17 million people.

What do we miss? Of course our family and friends. Along with that we miss salsa, sharp chedder cheese, frosted mini wheats, icey cold drinks, and air conditioning. Also, milk - in the pasteurized form we're used to - is hard to find. In Istanbul some stores have "normal" milk for foreigners, but when we move to Eregli we will have to embrace a life with milk that doesn't have to be refrigerated and tastes a little sour. Just today I started to miss stores like Fry's or Safeway. I remember being able to go to one grocery store and find everything you need. Nowadays I know where I can get milk, but they have no peanut butter. Or, there might be peanut butter but no bread. Shopping entails visiting several different small markets and many times it can take days to find something a little more rare like basil.

I mentioned Eregli in the last paragraph - we just went there a couple weeks ago as a family and I finally saw the small city that will be our home for 10 months. Mark signed his contract for his teaching job and we did some shopping and exploring. The apartment we will be living in is right in the heart of town just a few blocks from the Black Sea. Eregli is a beautiful city that could be compared to many costal towns in Greece, I'm sure. The landscape reminds me some of the coast of Central California with striking blue water, rolling green mountains, and small cliffs dropping into the water. The difference: there are no waves. The water seems more like a gigantic lake because it is perfectly still. It may change as the seasons change...we'll see. The city of Eregli reminds me of what I consider the most beautiful city in the world - Guanajuato, Mexico. I still consider Guanajuato more beautiful, but Eregli has some of its flavor with colorful buildings built on the sides of steep hills, narrow streets, and well-manicured parks.

I have so much more to write, but will stop for today. In my next blog, I will need to talk about the Turkish culture, which I find fascinating. It reminds me a little of Japanese culture and Mexican culture combined. I'll expand on that later.

Traveling to Turkey and our first impressions

2009-06-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

The Journey:
The flight from Chicago to Istanbul was very pleasant. The boys slept for about 7 hours of it. We each had our own T.V. and we were able to choose movies to watch. Also, my mom discovered that on Turkish Airlines they serve free alcohol. So, she drank a lot of wine with a nice man that she was sitting by. He was Turkish and lived in Istanbul most of his life, but he's been in Miami for several years and he has a Cuban girlfriend. So, Mom enjoyed talking to him. He told her that Turkey has the best olive oil in the world, so she wants to bring home a barrel of it (actually, 3 small bottles).

When we got to Istanbul we were able to get our visas very easily. They didn't ask any questions - we just paid our 20 dollars each and they were happy to let us in. Our first impressions of the Turkish people have been very positive. Everyone at the airport was very patient with the ignorant American tourists and a man even gave us some money so we could get a cart for our luggage. It turns out we probably could have used quarters to get the cart, but we didn't know that until later. It took us a couple hours to get out of the airport because one of our bags was missing, so it took a while to get that sorted out. They'll deliver it when they find it. The good thing is it was the bag with our winter clothes, so we don't need it now.

First Impressions of Istanbul:
The weather has been perfect. It's a little muggy, but not as bad as Florida or Kansas. The air smells like salt because we're right on the Marmara Sea - which was such a pleasant scent to wake up to this morning.

Istanbul is huge - much bigger than I imagined. It is split by the Bosphorus Strait, which connects the Marmara Sea to the Black Sea. Because of the strait, driving by car takes longer to get across the city than by public transportation because there are only 2 bridges and the traffic on the bridges is slow. The strait also divides the city into Europe and Asia and we are in a neighborhood that is on the Asian side of the river. It is very nice with a wooded area nearby that I want to explore. I imagine it has great paths for walking - and if I'm brave enough I may even try running. There is a grocery store, bakery, park, and many other amenities walking distance from our apartment. We also discovered that there are many restaurants that deliver food and you can order it on-line. Plus, you can call to have water delivered (for drinking) and someone comes and picks up our trash everyday (a courtesy of the apartment building).

Mark, Mom, and I were very tired last night, but the boys did not sleep much. Ian slept from about 11:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m., but then Jeremy crawled in our bed and woke us up and we never went back to sleep. The boys were wide awake and I did my best to be patient because I knew how crazy it is to switch time zones like we did. But, by 4:00 a.m. I was a wreck and needed sleep. I finally got Ian to be quiet and lay still and then the call to prayer and chanting over loud speakers came on at about 4:30. They have the call to prayer 4 times a day and the first one is at first daylight.

The boys are now napping and have been for several hours. We've tried waking them up, but they refuse. I managed to feed Ian some cookies and while I was getting him milk, he laid down in the hall and went back to sleep. He's still there. So, we'll probably have another difficult night tonight. But, hopefully we'll get adjusted soon.

Today we went shopping at a mall to buy groceries, get a cell phone, and get some fans. It was very beautiful inside and looked like a typical mall anywhere in the U.S. I've been watching people's mannerisms, clothes, etc. so I learn what is appropriate and what is not. I had heard not to cross your legs in front of people because it is disrespectful, but I saw many people sitting with their legs crossed. There are many women who are covered, but there are also many women who are not covered and wear short sleeves. I only saw one woman with exposed legs wearing a skirt above the knees (she may have been a tourist). Everyone else wore either pants or long skirts. And, I definately saw no cleavage, which is a plus. :)

That's it for now. I hope you enjoyed the first blog from Turkey.

Surrendering the Pen

2009-06-05T22:54:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted to write a really good novel. But, the problem is I just can't think up a really good story - a story so exciting people won't want to put it down - or so inspiring that people walk away completely changed. That's my dilemna - I just don't have a good enough imagination.

Tonight we watched the movie The Brothers Bloom. A quote from the movie was (I'm paraphrasing since my memory isn't perfect): "There is no such thing as unwritten lives. There are just lives that are badly written." That got me thinking about the stories of our lives. Who writes these stories?

I think we make a choice. Either we write the stories or we let God write them. Writing our own stories could be beneficial to us. We can manipulate the story to do what we want, get what we want, and be who we want to be (with some limitations of course - no, you cannot be Superman). Writing our own stories can be an exciting task at first...deciding where I want to live, what job I want, what lifestyle I want, etc, etc. But, the problem is our stories never turn out the way we intend. A few things happen. One is we realize we can't control our own stories. We try to, but external factors always end up getting in the way. The other problem is our stories become too predictable and we get bored or frustrated (or both). Our imaginations are just not sufficient to meet the longings of our hearts.

What happens when we surrender our pens and let God do the writing? At first this is a scary thing because we don't know what He's going to do on the next page. We don't agree with Him. We see what He is writing and we argue and say, "No, that's not right! That's not my character - I don't want that!" But, if we keep going, keep reading, allow Him to keep writing, we suddenly become lost in the story and can't wait to see what happens next. Yes, we're still terrified, but we can't deny that God's imagination is so vast, so deep, so perfect, that we are constantly amazed with every new chapter. And, we realize that this story is what we were made for - and we would have never known if we hadn't had the faith to give up the pen and turn the page.

9 Years of Circles

2009-05-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

This was the reading at Illuminate on May 3. It includes many fragments from my journals from the last 9 years. Just so you know, four days after the last entry was the day Mark and I finally turned our spiritual circle into a spiritual journey...seizing an amazing opportunity to follow God's lead. It's interesting to see how even though I felt like I was going in circles for 9 years, God was still quietly leading me to this point.

9 Years of Circles

January 2000
I feel lost. I have no motivation and I do not do the things I know I should. I should be spending time praying and reading Your word daily, but I don’t.

July 31, 2002
I am a selfish person. I say that I follow God, but do I really? I really don’t consult God about the decisions I’m making in my life. I do what I want to do and expect God to follow me.

February 2003
Father, I love You. You are so loving, so magnificent, so forgiving, so patient, and so wise. I don’t know why I don’t come to You in prayer everyday. I think about You all the time, but thinking is different than seeking, trusting, and knowing You…I know I will never be worthy of You, but You still offer me so much, even in my spiritual laziness. You are so good to me!

February 26, 2003
Do I love Jesus? Of course, I do. Do I love Him, or anyone, the way He loves me? No. If I did, then my life would be a sacrifice. I would be sharing Jesus openly with everyone, not worrying about my reputation. I should be laying my life down for my most trusted friend, Jesus. I should be putting my life on the line for Him. Why am I so timid and cowardly?

March 2, 2003
I’ve felt separated from God for a long time. I’m fully aware (and was the whole time) that it is me, not God, that caused this separation. However, I also know that God has been watching me and waiting for me to devote my whole being to Him.

March 17, 2003
I do not want to be a luke warm Christian that thinks only of my own salvation. I want to make a difference for You on earth.

April 28, 2003
I feel like I’ve been working on the same spiritual goals for 5 years.

July 27, 2003
Father, I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to obey You with all my heart and life. I want everyone I encounter to see Your awesome love through me.

January 18, 2005
Please forgive me for continuing to let my life be too busy and lazy for quality time with You. No wonder I feel lost – I’m not taking advantage of Your wisdom and guidance.

September 5, 2006
Where will I be 10 years from now? I may be in the same house with the same job and going to the same church. Even with my innate desire for change, that will be okay. However, if I am the same spiritually, I will have wasted 10 years of my life. I pray that 10 years from now I will be 10 years wiser, 10 years more knowledgeable, and 10 years closer to being the person I’ve always wanted to be. Who is that person? Someone who has no fear of the world. Someone who can trust God at all times. Someone who is strong enough to share the truth with the world. Someone who lives God’s word daily.

March 18, 2009
What is God’s will for my life? I’m still going in circles. What will happen if I seize every opportunity? What will happen if I don’t?

Walking on Concrete, Feeling Content

2009-04-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

I feel so content.

I should feel terrified. When I think about my future and where I will be 3 months from now, 6 months from now, a year from now... I realize this is the first time in my life that I have no idea what my life will be like. Why do I feel so content?

I've always had a plan that makes sense. I've always been safe with a thick rubber foundation under my feet so if I ever fell, I'd just bounce back up and keep going. I've lived my life without ever worrying about money, shelter, food, clothing, transportation...everything has always been taken care of for me. What an easy, sheltered life I've lived.

My question is... Have I truly lived?

Yes, my life has been worthwhile and everything I've experienced has made me who I am today. Thank goodness I've made many, many mistakes. The regrets I once had have turned to acceptance and even thankfulness - because without my stupidity I would have never learned to depend on God.

And now, I finally have been given a chance to really depend on Him...not because of my stupidity but because I actually listened to His call. I'm leaving all my cushy things and trading them in for... something better? Something worse? Who knows? But, I do know that whatever it is, it will be life changing.

My rubber foundation is being transformed to a concrete foundation. Even though concrete hurts like a **** when you fall on it - it is stronger and helps me walk straight, fast, and balanced.

Being content does not equal living on easy street, lounging around on bean bag chairs, looking forward to creating a new flavor at Coldstone. Being content is following God's lead, learning to trust Him - and being so excited to see what He has around the next bend.

time to say yes...

2009-04-01T22:32:00.000-07:00

Everyday I do this life thing...eating, sleeping, working...but nothing means anything anymore unless You are a part of it. I can't focus. I go to work and try to do the motions, but I find myself getting lost in my thoughts of You.

You amaze me. Sometimes You make me want to laugh and jump up and down. Sometimes You make me cry because of how overwhelming You are. I don't understand You. I don't know what You are doing or thinking or saying most of the time. I can't see the big picture and how this will all turn out. But, I know that what You do will be good. I trust that You have it under control.

But, if You have it under control, why does it feel like this world is out of control?

God, we say "Your will be done." But, do we really mean it? How can Your will be done? Logically, You speak to us and we do Your will.

But, what if we don't do it? What if we don't listen? Will You speak to someone else? Or, will Your will just not be done? How many times a day...an hour...a minute...a second are you disappointed by someone? How many people do You have to ask before Your will is done? If we all said yes all the time to Your calls, what would this world be like?

It would be good.

So, who's at fault? Is it me?

I can't say no anymore. It's time to say yes. It's time to put my trust in You and know that You are good. And, when I put my faith in You, I'm giving You the control...and You are exactly the One who should be in control.

The Martha Syndrome

2009-03-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

I know you know me, but we haven't talked in so long, I feel like I need to introduce myself again. I'm Martha. I'm a servant. When people need help I'm always there for them. Hungry? I'll make you dinner. Tired? Take my pillow. Stressed? Here's some herbal tea, scented candles, and a bubble bath. Need someone to talk to? Well - certainly. Let me just put some dirty clothes in the washer and I'll make us a snack. Oh, and I almost forgot that I have to check facebook to see if anyone has...

What? You want to talk now? Well, I still have my work clothes on and there's so much to do. I have a meeting tonight and I need to get to bed early because tomorrow I have to...

Excuse me? You're coming to my house? Now? I mean, wow, that's great. But, before you come over I need to make sure the dishes are washed and the dog hair is vacuumed up...

You're already here? I just don't have time to...to...

I'm doing it again aren't I? Why do I always find myself at this place. I want a relationship with You, but I just don't stop. I give and give and give - but I find with all this giving, I give away so much that I give away my identity. When I do that, I find myself empty and I've lost the most important thing. Yes, being a servant is good - in fact, it's absolutely wonderful. However, when I find myself basing my identity, my value, my success on how much I can give, I miss the point.

Oh, look, here comes Mary. She's the kind of sister you'd love to hate...but you just can't help but love. She lives her life in the moment, not worrying about this and that. She just embraces each moment as it comes. I know she's going to go right past the unwashed dishes, the unprepared food, the dog hair on the floor, and go straight to You and kneel at Your feet. No distractions, no worries, no thoughts in the back of her mind about what needs to be done. She simply delights in her Lord. Her Creator. Her Savior. Her Jesus...

Oh God! I want that! I need that. All my works - I intend to do good, but they mean nothing if I can't take time to thank You, Jesus, for what You've done for me. I give to everyone around me, but I forget to give to You - to give You the praise You deserve.

Bring me back to my knees so I can fall in love again with the One my heart longs for...the One that gives meaning to my life.

January 26, 2009

The Search for a Lost Identity

2009-03-06T22:26:00.000-08:00

“It’s time.”

I hear this whispered to me when I’m eating breakfast.

“It’s time.”

I feel the prompting as I lay down at night to sleep.

“It’s time.”

I feel my spirit pulling me somewhere that my soul is fighting.

“It’s time.”

Time for what, God?

“It’s time...”

In college, I finally found a friend that showed me how exciting following Jesus is. Everyday was a day to discover more about Him and figure out what He wanted us to learn about ourselves.

One day, she asked me a question that, since, I have asked myself over and over again.

“Where do you place your identity?”

“My identity?” I thought. “Do I even have an identity?”

The incredibly deep answer I gave her was a perfect illustration of what I was thinking – a shrug with a blank look on my face.

For several years I’ve struggled with that question. Lately, I’ve been getting more and more of a clear image in my mind of what my identity is. And what I’ve realized is that the identity I’ve found is broken.

My identity is a combination of two things: how others view me and how I view myself. Many times those two views get twisted together in a dysfunctional knot.

If someone doesn’t like something about me, I start to dislike it as well.

If I don’t like something about myself, I hide it so others can’t see it.

The result is a shallow person without a true identity because I’m always changing myself to fit some mold of some person that isn’t me.

This identity issue was at its height in high school and the better part of college, but slowly throughout the years, as I’ve pondered and grown, I’ve started to find the true me in my broken identity.

What I’ve realized is the true me is someone I hardly know. The true me, the real me, is the person God created before I messed everything up. When God made me He had a plan and knew my potential. He still sees my potential and is patiently waiting for me to trust Him enough to show it to me.

So, now, I’m trying to throw away the broken, distorted, shallow identity I created and beginning to uncover the identity God originally created.

At this crossroads, I hear God say, “It’s time.”

Time for what?

“It’s time to start living.”

What do you mean? How do I start living?

“When you find your identity, you will start living.”

Find my identity? What is my identity?!

“I am.

“I am your creator. Find me and you will find what you’ve been searching for. Know me and you will know the one your heart has longed for. Follow me and I will lead you to the place you were made for…

“It’s time. So, trust me and start living.”

What One Sees From a Bubble

2009-02-18T20:09:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking, reading, listening, and watching lately. I feel like I'm in a bubble, just floating around and observing life, observing God, and observing myself.

So, what have I observed? What have I learned?

Well, as I observe myself, I have been seeing myself in God's eyes. So, I've learned that God has been laughing at me a lot lately. Or, at least shaking his head with a smile on His face when I do something that is so childish. At least, I like to think He's laughing and not grinding His teeth.

So many times He has shown me just how awesome and amazing He is by gently correcting me when I'm doing or thinking something stupid. One example: Last night I was reading in Exodus (because I'm a little, or a lot, behind on reading the Bible in a year). Since I'm behind, I thought, "Well, I'm just going to skim this part because I don't really care about the tabernacle. Ya, ya, they used 50 sheep skins and painted them burgundy with naked cherubs..." (by the way, this was my interpretation...don't quote me).

Even though I just wanted to skim, I found myself being pulled into it and actually reading it and thinking about it. I was so intrigued by what I read, that I even did some research on-line to see what theologians have to say about the tabernacle. I was absolutely awed. I'm not going to go into a bunch of detail, but let's just say that I learned a lesson (that I've learned before)...God's Word (the Bible) is beyond compare. Every detail about every sheep skin...or whatever...has a purpose. Moses wasn't just rambling when He wrote the Torah. He was recording the Word of God. God was speaking through his writings. And that goes for every author and every book of the Bible. Every word is God-breathed...which means reading it is like sitting with God and just hearing Him speak. And what's amazing is He is so personal and sees right into my childish thoughts and heart. And, what's even more amazing, is that He sees the real me and still smiles.

As I have observed life outside of me, I've noticed 2 types of people: People who've got it and people who don't. People who've got it are the people that realize how small they are and how big God is. People who don't are the people that think they are in control.

And what is "it" you ask?

It is peace. It is joy. It is a clear understanding of life's purpose. It is everything my soul and spirit craves.

So, do I have it? Well, I'm certainly still a child, still foolish, and I still have a lot of learning to do. But, I think I'm figuring it out.

Revolution

2009-02-16T00:10:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how subtle a revolution can be on the outside.

Someone asks you how life is - if anything new is going on. On the outside, everything is the same - same job, same house, same busy schedule, same hobbies (if you call Starbucks a hobby)...

So, I answer the question with the same thing every time, "Oh, things are going fine - nothing's changed."

But, in reality, everything's changed! I can feel you changing me. I can hear you prompting me. I see light where I used to see darkness. I found acceptance rather than chasing after unreliable dreams. Things that used to taste sweet, things I used to crave, have become tasteless and even bitter. In fact, now I save my appetite for something that I'll never fully taste on this earth - but I've caught enough of a scent to keep me longing for and craving more. And just that scent keeps me satisfied.

This change, this new force in my life, it is not like sleeping in a bed of roses or a never ending day at the spa. It can actually be frightening because it is not tame. He is not predictable. You never know where He's going to take you. However, the fear turns into excitement when I put down my own agenda, my own doubts, and just walk forward in faith.

This love, this power, this new reality - I feel fulfilled, but I still feel a yearning for more. It's like having a feast that never ends and a stomach that never feels completely full. No matter how much I fill myself up, I'll always want more.

This is a revolution. It's up to me how quiet or how explosive it will be. I can keep it bottled up or I can shout it from the rooftops and risk changing the world.

If a revolution is too subtle, it'll go unnoticed and will soon be forgotten. And then, we'll never know what could have been.